Physician's prayer

Sir Dr. Robert Hutchison's Physician's Prayer
— written on the walls of Children's Hospital, London

" From inability to leave well enough alone,
From too much zeal for the new and contempt for what is old,
From putting knowledge before wisdom,
Science before art and cleverness before common sense,

From treating patients as cases, and from making the cure of the disease
more grievous than the endurance of the same.

Good Lord, deliver us."

More fun stories

Direct quote from the electronic medical record: "23-year-old male who was found in the parking lot of a store, waving a knife and screaming.  He has a history of drug use per an acquaintance at scene who quickly fled after giving that history.  He was brought in by ambulance combative, attempting to strike EMTs, and spitting.  Head net was then placed.  He was brought in under physical restraint with police officers assisting."

"30-year-old man who presented complaining of pain in his leg after being bit by a dog." I initially felt sorry for him, but on further review of the records, it seems that the dog that chased him down and bit him was a police dog in the act of its duty. No more sympathy.

Get bent

This is an unfortunate gentleman who had a previous femur fracture that got fixed with a rod down the middle of the bone. He got hit by a car a few years afterwards and bent the rod.

More fun stories:

"20 y/o who became intoxicated with alcohol, ran into the street and fell into the bushes. He now complains of right knee and ankle pain." Just another example of how ridiculous people are when they get liquored up.

"33 y/o woman who presented with nausea and vomiting. She was also wondering why she has been so emotional lately." While looking at the patient's gallstones, the sonographer noted something moving in her abdomen. On further investigation, that something had a heartbeat! As it turns out, she is 33 weeks pregnant. It was unclear why this was such a surprise to the patient, as she already has four kids and therefore presumably knows what it is like to be with child.

"20 y/o man who punched a refrigerator. He presented the next day complaining of pain in the right hand." The following radiograph shows the classic "boxer's fracture" suffered by those who punch without being very good at punching, and therefore hit with the knuckle of the small finger instead of the index and ring fingers. Can you see the fracture?

Fashion Statement

This is not a fashion statement. This is what can happen when your nail gun ricochets.

Season's Greetings

This reflects perception more than reality, but still funny.

More stories!

"21 y/o man who presents after hearing a crack in his wrist accompanied by sharp pain after the police car in the back of which he was handcuffed made a sudden sharp turn." He broke his wrist - ouch! Of course, he then left the ER against medical advice when it became clear that he would be released from custody.

"5 y/o girl who was standing on the sidelines of a football game and was inadvertently tackled." She has a  broken collarbone, and I am sure she will never go near a football game again. Her career as a cheerleader is over before it began.

Fun Story

"21-yr old man who was in the passenger seat of a car arguing with his mother, who was driving at 35 mph. He became upset and demanded that she let him out of the car. When she refused, he opened the door and jumped out." He wound up fracturing his left elbow pretty badly. The bummer is that the interesting part of the story - what they were arguing ABOUT - may never be known.

More stories

"57 y/o man who presents after accidentally stabbing himself in the stomach with pruning shears while gardening."

Road warrior

For those who haven't heard, I have been riding my bike to and from work - about 10 miles each way - for the past couple of weeks. I have loved it - I feel like I get good exercise, I have felt invigorated when I get to work and when I get home, and have felt like my thighs are each getting to be the size of my waist.

Well, all that has come to a crashing halt. I was riding my bike home last night, and got in a wreck.

The way it happened was this: I was riding home on a relatively low-traffic road in Sacramento. I came to an intersection where the cross street had a stop sign and I did not. A lady in a late-model Mercedes stopped at the stop sign, glanced both ways, did not see me, and pulled out in front of me. I hadn't planned to stop, since I had the right-of-way. Despite slamming on the brakes, I ran into the side of her car on the driver's side.

My bike tore the driver's side rear-view mirror off the car and made a big dent in the driver's side fender. I flew off the bike, landed on the hood, then rolled off onto the ground in front of the car, taking off the hood ornament on my way. I was glad she stopped - she could have run me over.

I got up slowly, and had the following injuries, some of which are seen in the picture, though Amy points out that the picture does not do my road rash or the gauges in my fingers justice:


- Scrapes on the middle, ring, and small fingers of the right hand.
- A large road rash across my right forearm.
- A swollen, scraped right shoulder right at the point of the bones at the top of the shoulder.
- Two small scrapes across my right forearm.
- A swollen scrape across my left forearm.
- A scrape across the back of my left upper arm.
- A scraped, bruised right knee.

I also have a scraped and dented helmet, and a sore ego (as well as a sore bottom).

Thinking back, I realize that I don't remember visual images of the whole accident. I remember thinking "Oh no! I'm going to hit that car!" and yelling out loud "Noooo!" Then, I have the recollection of a series of thumps (probably me flying onto, then rolling down the hood) and a bigger thump as I landed on my right side on the ground.

Another bicyclist who had seen the accident stopped and gave me her business card, in case I need to get corroboration for my story.

The lady felt awful - she was more shaken than I was, as might be expected for one who has seen a grown man go flying across the hood of her car. She called her husband, who courteously brought his pickup truck and gave me and my somewhat-worse-for-wear bike a ride back home.

When we arrived, a troop of worried girls came out to greet me. My three-year old wore a grave expression, and kept coming up to point at my bleeding knee with both terror and fascination. My wife reports that she has been perseverating about her daddy, repeating over and over that "Daddy has big owies!" and looking out the window for me.

My wife gave me the "I told you so" look when I got home. She has never felt safe about me riding a bike, and now feels vindicated and upset that I didn't listen to her warnings. I feel wretched, but not nearly as wretched as I would have felt if I were paralyzed or dead.

I showed up to work the next day, showing off my bruises and scrapes (and kind of enjoying the attention - this story gets better every time I tell it). My father-in-law, attorney that he is, points out that I am not being a very good client - I should have stayed home, with my neck in a soft collar, moaning and groaning.

I think my days as a road warrior are over. Like Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce, "I will fight no more forever."